Faith

One
after another
white-tailed deer disappeared
into the forest's corner pocket
from the field where they play

I am watching from a window
as I draw my bath
and hold my breath
so those dear creatures don't know
that they are being observed
here

To the Wonder

two good lines

the love that loves us
cradling him to contain himself

Jesus loves you. This, I know. as does Mary. And all the saints. and Brahman, And Atman and every one of the 100,000 household gods and incarnations and regional, rural manifestation of that mystery of India. and and and the spider trickster coyote and YaHWEH  does he love us> does he? The love that loves us comes from somewhere out there> transcendent transcendence> or is it immanent? Allah, what's he up to? Of course. Rumi told us about His love. He knows. and that reminds me of that beloved psalm. there are hymns and songs of love all around, not from the birds in their unfeeling trees, but some other force that is so quiet it is beyond our listening, but we can hear we can be called we can understand, if we long to, if we wish. The love that loves us is unfolding under our skin.

34 1/2

Now is when I would run
things are getting too familiar
and though it's what I've said I wanted
it induced anxiety, an impingement
on my freedom and anonymity
because if they only knew...

but we're settling into this adult life
in a conventional setting
and it's hard and we're not very good at it
and I wonder if we're still special and adventurous
and what she will think of us
and how she will judge her childhood

can't escape. must create more space
expand time, fill every moment
which is going to require work
work to beget work
which allows play
which maybe we've done enough
the onset of adulthood at age 34.
holy shit. 

Let's Make Some Goals

Ok! Here we go...for the first time ever. EVER. in 34 years. Now setting objectives/plans/dreams/ambitions/

maybe we should qualify or categorize this, like, what kinds of goals. weight loss goals. short term goals. motherhood goals. career goals. Career? Money goals. How do I make this shit happen? Where did everyone else learn this stuff? Am I retarded? Seriously, am I slow or stupid or impaired or disabled? I am differently-abled, when it comes to adult behavior. That much is obvious. Now is not the time to ask why. Now is not the hour for analysis. Now is the time to do. Or, at the very least, decide what to do. Then I can try to figure out how to go about getting what I want. I need an action plan.

1.